Okay, I know this sounds lame, but I totally want it…
To get the full effect after you click on the link, be sure to scroll down and watch the video and read the reviews. Anything marketed to bachelor guys is right up my alley.
See, I don’t cook. After twenty-something years as an adult, fourteen years as a wife, and almost eleven years as a mom, I’m basically a bachelor guy. With b**bs.
When I was single, I lived on cold sandwiches. And cereal. Maybe a 99-cent meal from Taco Bell.
Or the occasional Lean Cuisine. But even those were a lot of effort. First you have to find in freezer behind all the ice cream. (That’s harder than it sounds. Cuz I like ice cream. A lot.) Unwrap meal. Get out knife. Put knife back because you don’t want to wash it. Slit package in appropriate place(s) with fingernail. Put in microwave and cook for two minutes.
Yeah. Too much work. Just couldn’t be bothered.
Every once in awhile, out of the blue, the urge to “cook” would strike. I’d try to make a real meal. That’s what led to the Meatloaf Incident of 1990:
While making meatloaf for myself, I misread the recipe and instead of 1/4 teaspoon of black pepper, I added 1/4 cup.
Couldn’t. Even. Eat it.
Do you know how much meat I had to throw away?! It broke my heart, but it was either that or feed it to the cat. And I didn’t have a cat. And the roommates, after they stopped laughing, warned me that they’d let it rot in the fridge before they’d touch it.
I decided it was best for everyone if I stayed out of the kitchen.
Fortunately for me and the kids, my husband cooks really well. Even when he was a bachelor guy, he cooked things like pasta alfredo or jambalaya or roast chicken – for himself. For fun.
I’ve mentioned before that we’d all have scurvy if it weren’t for him, and it’s true. Okay, maybe not scurvy. I can heat up green beans.
But certainly hardened arteries.
When the hubby’s out of town (as he will be soon! Ack!), my kids and I gradually degenerate into wild animals. Fat-loving, greasy-lipped wild animals. We survive on frozen chicken tenders and beanie weenie and Domino’s pizza. Or usually they talk me into the Burger King drive-thru.
With the amazing Toastabags, I could add toaster omelettes to the mix! Or pork chops!
Wait. Pork chops? Okay, I think I draw the line there. I’ll pass on Trichinosis Delight, thankyouverymuch.
Back to the wonders of Toastabags… Ahhh, toasted cheese, as they call it across the pond. Bacon. Reheated pizza. Salmon fillets!
Yes, salmon fillets. That’s what the site says. Why would they lie?
To have a balanced meal, I’ll just microwave a can of green beans. Or salad. I can handle salad. As long as it’s the prewashed stuff.
My birthday’s coming up… I think I’ll put it on the list! Mom, you wondered what to get me? Well, here ya go. (Be sure to ask for expedited shipping. I need it by the 24th.)
(Thank you Daily Candy!)
PS I hate WordPress and how it won’t let me double-space. Gotta learn me some html. Oh yeah, that’ll happen. Right after I learn to cook.